Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
