Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
