why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
