Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
