Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
