New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
