Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
