That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
