someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is wine microwaveable?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
