dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
