The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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