I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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