nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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