my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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