We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
