so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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