I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
then he tried to convert me to islam
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
