So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
