I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
