i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
