stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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