I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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