We're facebook friends in real life
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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