nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think people are normalizing furries
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
