i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
