Got a toothbrush?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So much rum. So many feels.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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