I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
