she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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