I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sobbing to NWA
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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