i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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