thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
