I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
