I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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