Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
