I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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