I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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