hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
