OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
