i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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