She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
