Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
