Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
