i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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