if i can run in heels then i can drive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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