i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
