C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
