What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
