I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
