i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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