we made out on top of his cat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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