nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
