for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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